Continuing Bonds

Continuing Bonds

Staying Connected: How Love Transcends Death

Death is one of life's most profound challenges, yet it doesn't have to mean the end of our connection to those we love. The concept of "Continuing Bonds," supported by decades of grief research, offers a powerful framework for understanding that while death ends a life, it doesn't end a relationship.

Redefining Healthy Grieving

Traditional grief models once suggested that "moving on" meant letting go completely. However, modern grief theory recognises that healthy grieving actually involves finding meaningful ways to honour and maintain a connection with those who have died. This isn't about being stuck in the past—it's about integrating love and memory into our ongoing lives.

Simple Ways to Stay Connected

The beauty of continuing bonds lies in their simplicity and personal meaning. Some people find connection through:

• Looking at cherished photographs and sharing stories

• Speaking their loved one's name in conversation

• Lighting candles during quiet moments of remembrance

• Playing their favourite music or songs that hold special meaning

• Creating memorial gardens or dedicating spaces in their honour

• Keeping a place set at the dinner table during special occasions

• Wearing jewellery or carrying items that belonged to them

  
  

A Personal Journey of Connection

When I learned of my beloved Uncle Geoff's death while traveling in Dublin, I felt untethered in a foreign place, overwhelmed by grief and distance.

Rather than simply endure this pain, I chose to bring him with me through that difficult day.

I wandered Dublin's streets, allowing memories to surface and honouring them. At a local jewellery store, I purchased a necklace, not just as a souvenir, but as a tangible symbol of that moment and my connection to him.

I walked through Trinity College, speaking to him as if he were beside me. Along the River Liffey, I shared the sights and sounds of the city with him in my thoughts.

That evening, I raised a glass in his memory, acknowledging both my grief and my love.

And I cried. Oh man, did I cry.

Uncle Geoff's Necklace

Living the Connection

Years later, that necklace remains significant. When I wear it, I'm choosing to feel closer to Uncle Geoff. I find myself wondering what he would say about current events or life decisions.

I share stories about him with my children, keeping his memory alive in their hearts.

Most meaningfully, I honoured him by giving my son his name as part of his own. I look forward to the day my son asks about his name, and about the significance of each of these pieces of his story and my own.

Finding Your Own Way

Continuing bonds can manifest in daily rituals or during milestone moments like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.

The key is finding what feels authentic and meaningful to you. There's no right or wrong way to maintain these connections—only what brings comfort and honours the relationship you shared.

Some people write letters, others visit meaningful places. Some create new traditions, while others maintain old ones. The goal isn't to avoid grief but to find ways to carry love forward.

An Invitation to Reflect

As you consider your own experiences with loss, I invite you to reflect:

What ways have you found to stay close to those you love who are no longer physically present?

How do you honour their memory while continuing to live fully?

Remember, love doesn't end with death, it simply changes form.

Through continuing bonds, we can carry the best of our relationships forward, allowing those we've lost to remain part of our story, even as we write new chapters.

Candles lit to honour loved ones

References

Field, N.P. (2006) 'The role of continuing bonds in coping with grief: overview and future directions', Death Studies, 30(8), pp. 709-728.

Field, N.P. and Friedrichs, M. (2004) 'Continuing bonds and reconstructing meaning: Mitigating complications in bereavement', Death Studies, 28(1), pp. 1-22.

Hewson, T., Shepherd, L. and Hard, J. (2023) 'The impact of continuing bonds following bereavement: A systematic review', Death Studies, 47(10), pp. 1-15.

Klass, D. (2006) 'Continuing conversation about continuing bonds', Death Studies, 30(9), pp. 843-858.

Klass, D. (2023) 'Continuing bonds in the existential, phenomenological, and cultural study of grief: Prolegomena', Pastoral Psychology, 72(6), pp. 1-18.

Klass, D. and Steffen, E.M. (eds.) (2017) Continuing bonds in bereavement: New directions for research and practice. New York: Routledge.

Klass, D., Silverman, P.R. and Nickman, S.L. (1996) Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Washington, DC: Taylor & Francis.

Klass, D., Silverman, P.R. and Nickman, S.L. (2014) Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. 2nd edn. New York: Taylor & Francis.