TW: FERTILITY, GRIEF AND LOSS
I have never felt grief like being told I could not bear children.
In this moment I grieved a future I had unconsciously planned.
🪷 I felt a sense of injustice at what my body was doing and what it was unable to do.
🪷 I felt shame at not being able to do what I assumed I should be able to do as a woman.
🪷 I felt guilt and responsibility at putting my partner in this position; potentially shattering his dream too.
🪷 I felt dramatic and unseen in my loss because no one had died. My loss of hope, identity, perceived future, and control were invisible.
🪷I felt immense sorrow. The kind where the tears are unstoppable and words fail.
These pictures were taken in my back garden on a day I took off work, at the (firm but supportive) advice of my Supervisor. She said to take the day and do something for me, to bring me energy and as a big "Fuck You" to the world.
I got my nails done and sat in the fresh air. These are my "Fuck you" nails.
Those doctors were wrong. I did have children. And despite my immense gratitude, it doesn't undo the year of sorrow. The year of heartbreak and rallying. The year of medical intervention and showing up to work while grieving. The year of hearing pregnancy announcements and greeting babies, and feeling completely alone.
I share this with you from a scar, not a wound. I am a professional in the grief space and a human who has lived with loss. For me, the two are so intimately entwined.
This is me, and this is Grief Guide. I'm so glad you're here 🪷
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